If you're in trouble he will save the day He's brave and he's fearless come what may Without him the mission would go astray
He's Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer
Without him life would be much grimmer He's handsome, trim, and no-one slimmer He will never need a zimmer
He's Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer
More reliable than a garden trimmer He's never been mistaken for Yul Brynner He's not bald, and his head doesn't glimmer
Master of the wit and the repartee His command of space directives is uncanny How come he's such a genius? Don't ask me!
Ask Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer
He's also a fantastic swimmer And if you play your cards right Then he just might come round for dinner
He's Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer
No rhymes left now apart from quimmer He'd better fade us out before we get to schlimmer Fade out you stupid plimmer
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